transitional patience
my patience has always been lacklustre, but the time has come and i have to change that. i am at a time in my life where patience is incredibly necessary and useful. practicing patience when going through a transition causes an increase in one’s adaptability and ability to live fully in the present. while i know that working on those traits is definitely useful regarding one’s creative practice, the transition itself can be pretty damn uncomfortable. regardless of that discomfort, you have to teach yourself to sit with that pain and focus your feeling and affective energy outward and project it onto other things versus focusing inward and projecting onto yourself. i’ve been struggling with acting in ways that align with my desired state of being…… writing this blog post was giving me trouble even though i am certain i want to regularly post. but now it‘s on my site so that is a win; thanks for reading.
since change implies a state of limbo, or a sort of a liminal space, it can be easy to get stuck focusing on the past or focusing on the future. what i am trying to do currently is ground myself in the present, even if the present moment is one of slightly painful change. i do not need to rush out of this transitional period, if i do try to do that then i will deprive myself of the ability to see the positive aspects of being back home. this ~new normal~ may be temporary but that doesn’t make it any less real. being patient with life and the passage of time instead of trying to run away from my present reality will, in the long run, help me cultivate an artistic style and sense of self that is adaptable; one that welcomes change and that can handle whatever may happen. but that is a process, one that i am struggling with.
the most important of my current battles is the aggressive lack of motivation and inspiration i am feeling. this is not abnormal, legitimately everyone has these periods, and it is pointless to beat oneself up for them. so i am deciding to work on becoming more attuned to my current environment and life-world in order to gather inspiration in new ways. which involves looking at my hometown in new and different ways, and finding the beauty in what has always seemed mundane to me. but even if inspiration is found, it can also become difficult to actually get up, utilize it, and create. there is a difference between forcing action and forcing results; the first can be necessary whereas the latter can feel detrimental to my level of investment in and positive feelings towards a piece of work.
oil painting makes for a patient mind. in time. i am currently working on a three by five foot canvas and let’s just say i am harbouring incredibly high levels of animosity toward that piece. a few days ago i finally added one layer that i actually enjoy looking at. no clue how to bounce off of that and do it again so i am trying to leave it alone. this requires so much patience so i keep bringing it out to “take another look” to make sure i don’t know what to do with it. every time i learn that i, without a doubt, do not know what to do with it. other than be patient, fight through this stagnation, and return at a later date.
so to fight this artistic anger i have started to layer different colors of thick paint and molding paste onto two small wood panels and carve/sand/file down random parts between random layers. i have also been experimenting with spray paint which is an extremely difficult medium to work with, the lack of control is almost shocking when you first start. i want to get better and get a cheap airbrush machine to start working with. so, artistically, things are on the ups slightly.
above all, i am staying grounded by remembering that it is cool knowing how much is ahead and how unknown it is.
wish me luck with this journey, i’ll make sure to keep y’all updated though. new pieces incoming.
