getting back in it
I’ve been lacking y’all I am sorry. Trying to find any semblance of normality (emotionally, physically, creatively, you name it) post graduation has been tricky. I am happy to report that I have been slowly getting back into it. It being reality/ the present as it is (versus how it was/how I might want it to be). Now that it has been two weeks since i moved my things, including the majority of my body of work, into storage in Montreal and came back to the states I am beginning to settle down and arrive on the correct plane of existence. Life is still a bit uncomfortable though, as it has been for a few weeks. But it’s just a sign of the times; change is friction between the past and present and I am currently feeling the affects that friction produces.
By the time my last year of uni rolled around, I was quite jaded about life in academia. Having to repeat the academic year countless times and continuously subject oneself to life under the eyes of the scholastic god got so old. School was no longer enjoyable; i was still able to learn and engage, but living with the constant, insidious stress school so graciously provides frustrated and saddened me. Needless to say I was over it, but it was still my reality. But now that has changed. Life is no longer school. So I need to shift my modes of thinking and perceiving in ways that are more in tune with my current /future environment. Not even just the fact that I’m back with my parents, that is a part of it because I need to find a good place to paint and store my things, but because I am no longer where I used to be in life. Finishing something like school, something that had been so integral to one’s energy, time, mentality, decisions and actions, and even identity is bittersweet… to put it lightly. But things change and life goes on, making it impossible to linger too long. So I have to jump dimensions and plug my mind into life as it is and shake the habits from life as it was.
Going through change always ends up proving the importance of staying open and available to the world around oneself. Closing off and pulling inward when faced with change causes one to position themself outside of the present. You remain in the past when you stay inward and closed off; one must be engaged and involved with the changed present, if you are not positioned within the change then time will move without you. And that is not appealing! Change is traumatic; moving and shifting your own life-world can feel shocking and stressful but that again proves how important it is to stay open and think outwardly, you have to absorb the shock that comes with change. That’s what I am in the process of doing, which has affected my inspiration and motivation. It is hard to be so outward during these times, but I am slowly getting back in it and becoming more available to my new reality. my next post is coming very soon.
