“stability”
Contentment can be boring. I have learned this recently, as I have emotionally plateaued. That is not to say nothing is overtly exciting or nothing is devastatingly hard, but the majority of my day-to-day is neutral. This neutrality has me a bit uncomfortable; my usual, cyclical up-and-down moods are fighting with my newfound stability. My commonly irrational mood cycles are telling me to swing dramatically to one side or the other to stave off boredom, while my stable, zen (lol) current mindset is trying to convince me that boredom can be good. Such a fight can seem pointless and the winner may seem quite obvious, as rationality should prevail, but I am struggling with it. As someone who is used to having constant racing thoughts and few moments of mental peace and clarity, plateauing like this feels unnatural. It is underwhelming and revolutionary… there is a life-changing newness surrounding this plateau, I feel like I have unlocked some new level in life, yet its effects are underwhelming. It's cool knowing I made it here from the trenches I was once in. And that my brain is still developing… that sure is comforting.
I am a classic case of a ‘let’s take it day by day’ type of person. This mindset comes with its downfalls, I can admit that, but I still live by it. I find divine beauty in this way of life, and I plan to address that in a later blog; I have lots to say about playing the short game. Anyway, now that the majority of my days consist of me being emotionally balanced, when a non-neutral emotion does come along the intensity of that emotion is obviously amplified. This juicy mental drama is no longer a chore, it has become way more enjoyable now that it is not my baseline mental state.
None of this is to say I have fully achieved the accolade of being calm, cool, and collected, but this plateau has pushed me towards it. Slightly. Being less reactive and more stable frees up so much mental space and energy, the once-uninterrupted stream of intense emotions has been disturbed. This has given way to fresh new plots of mental space and fresh new stores of energy to cultivate that space with. It’s like farming. And my crops are going to be bountiful this year.
Impermanence is the universal truth and this plateau is but a phase in my (hopefully) long life. Even if nothing lasts forever this is a great place to grow and learn things I can take with me. I have never and will never wish for normality in life but I am definitely backing this new trend towards contentment and stability. It is refreshingly boring.
